Talentences
by Kerchan
Summary: Jim decides to play a game with his two best friends. It turns out better than he expected.


**Talentences**

**Pairings:** None

**Warnings:** Sexual Themes

**Universe:**__nu!Trek

**Positions:**__None

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A/N – Talentences – The combination of the words "tale" and "sentences". A game played by (mostly) children where the object of the game is that each person takes a turn to make a story by either adding one sentence or one paragraph (max of five sentences) to the story.

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"Ronala was so in love with the dashing Captain, that she fled away with him after his proposition to marry her."

"Only to reveal to the Captain that Ronala was actually a man named Ronald who looked like a pretty convincing woman. The Captain didn't care and so he sexed him anyway on their honeymoon." Jim sat up from the rec room couch with a look of disgust. He peered mock-angrily at the good doctor sitting in a chair across from First Officer Spock, both looking busy with their reading.

"Bones, that was cold." Jim whined. "Come on! If you're going to play Talentences, the least you could do is not ruin my stories."

Bones rolled his eyes and sat his dataPADD down. "I _would_ be more practical if these stories were not about you fucking across the universe."

"Hey," Jim defended, "I didn't say they were _me_, I said that they were about a Captain."

"Who looks like you." Bones deadpanned.

"We have similar qualities." Jim quipped with a huge grin.

"Listen Jim, as much as I love to continue playing this dumb game, I'd much rather not waste my breath on some story that _insinuates_ that you are fucking across the universe."

Jim gave a reluctant groan. "Fine! We can change the story. What do you want it to be about this time?"

"Nothing. Now let me read in peace."

"Oh, come on, Bones! There must be something you want to dream up? And I bet if we ask really nicely, Spock will join in on the fun too." The Vulcan, who had been ignoring them for the entire hour they had been in the rec room, finally looked up from his dataPADD to give Jim one of those famous eyebrows. "You know you want to." Jim chuckled with enthusiasm.

"I must decline, Captain." Spock told him, "Story telling for no practical or historical purpose is illogical."

"Lighten up, Spock, it's just a game for fun, not for logic. It's meant to be entertaining. You should join."

Spock stared at him mutely. "I apologize, but I must take Dr. McCoy's side on this subject. I have no interest in making additions to a story of a hypothetical you."

"What if we make the story about a hypothetical you?" Jim asked the Vulcan.

Spock appeared to scoff. "I am still disinclined to join. Making a fantasy person of myself would imply that I wish for something more than I already have. I have no such desires."

Bones cut in. "Or modesty of any kind. You trying to tell me that there's _nothing_ you would like to make better in your life? Nothing?"

"Nothing." Spock confirmed.

"Well, aren't you a stick in the mud!" Bones rolled his eyes.

"Hey!" Jim bit, "You're being just as uptight!"

"Shut it, I've already agreed to play another round, but this time I want to start the story." Jim conceded happily.

"Okay. Then, let's begin."

Bones cleared his throat as he thought of a story to tell. "There once was a handsome country doctor who was forced against his will by the deceiving dragon of the Georgian Plains to flee his home and become a physician on a flying, metal tin can."

It was Jim's turn to roll his eyes. "Seriously?"

"It's my story. Take it or leave it." Jim sighed and plopped his head back down on the couch. He was bored and he really wanted to play this game. Hell, he'd wing it.

He added, "The doctor, once an board the _USS Tin Can_, was quick to discover that he and the Captain had a lot in common and quickly became friends."

"Or so the Captain thought, but really, the doctor just wanted to stick a hypo in his neck every time the bloody idiot strolled into his office."

"However, the doctor didn't mean it as he truly loved his Captain."

"Platonically."

"Platonically." Jim added after Bones.

Bones continued. "But that friendship aside, the doctor was a man who loved his work, though it could become tedious at times and hellish at others. He worked hard, was a passionate man about every patient that came into his care, and was well liked among the crew."

Jim smirked. "Yes, the doctor _was_ well liked among the crew. In particular, after six months of service, the doctor began to realize that certain crewmen liked him too much. In particular, the strange, stoic alien First Officer to his best friend, the Captain of the _Tin Can._"

Bones rolled his eyes, Spock only quirked a brow. Jim snickered, he thought it was funny that Spock was still listening to their story though he wasn't adding anything to it. "But the alien advances went unnoticed, so the doctor and the alien never got involved." The doctor said.

"Until today." Jim paused. "It all started at the annual routine physicals, when the doctor called for the alien. He ordered him to strip out of his clothes when he noticed that with every article that left the pale, hot flesh of the alien, the doctor was becoming more aroused at the thought of seeing more. His cock grew heavy in his uniform pants, tight against the fabric. He must have the alien, he thought."

Both Bones and Spock stood at once, startling Jim into a fit of laughter. "Damnit, Jim!" Bones snarled.

"Captain, I must ask that you desist any further elaboration of your story." Jim couldn't help but to tumble over, chuckles escaping him.

"What? It's just a story!"

"Exactly! A _story!_ Not a _porno_, you fucktard!"

In between his laughter, Jim continued the story. "No, this would be a porno: When the alien turned his back to remove his uniform pants, the doctor grasped hold of his aching member, trying to still its raging pulsations to be thrust into the tight channel of his patient."

"Jim!"

"Captain."

"But little did the doctor know that he would loose control as the alien turned around and presented him with his own pulsing, hot, hard green cock—" Two hands were placed over Jim's mouth, one of Human and one of Vulcan. Jim smiled, still giggling to himself as both his friends realized that their hands were touching. Blushing (well, Bones blushed anyway), they removed their fingers instantly.

"Captain, I must ask you to stop. You are not accurately portraying my person or Dr. McCoy."

"Okay, fine." Jim shrugged, no longer bored. "Then _you_ fix the story, Spock. Come on, your turn to play." The Vulcan sighed, obviously knowing he wasn't getting out of Jim's playfulness. Bones only grumbled.

"Spock's not going to play, and neither am I. If you can't tell a real story besides ones that involve sexual antics, then I want no part of it!"

"Aw, but those are the best kinds of stories!" Quickly, Spock cleared his throat and startled both Jim and Bones as he began his tale.

"It was most fortunate that the doctor was then brought to consciousness from his horrible fever which was causing strange hallucinations. There was no medical office, no annual routine physicals, just him and his bed where he had been for two days recovering."

Bones shot a glare at his Captain. "You see, Jim? That's how you tell a story."

"The doctor also found that the strange dreams about the alien First Officer were due to his gratitude for the alien for saving his life while planet side during their last mission." Jim burst into laughter as Bones' face dropped.

"Oh my gods, Bones!" Jim chuckled. "It looks like someone is wanting your devoted respect!" The good doctor went to speak, but Jim interrupted him. "No, no! It's my turn now!" He tried to calm himself.

"No." Both Spock and Bones told him at once.

"Sheesh. It's not dirty." When neither spoke, Jim went on with his sentence. "The alien, he knew, had saved his life because he loved him—"

"Jim." Bones snarled.

"What? I said it wasn't dirty. It's a love story now." Two sets of brown eyes stared at him. Bones continued for him.

"The alien, he knew, had saved his life because the alien respected the doctor greatly. Wanted to emulate him in every way possible, so it had been only logical to save his life so in turn he could save the only Human he ever respected."

"It was regrettable that the doctor was still hallucinating, as the alien did not respect him, but knew he was a needed asset on the _USS Tin Can_ and the Captain, being a friend to them both, would be hurt deeply by his demise." Bones gave a mean look at the Vulcan who only peered down at him as though his story was more logical than his would ever be. Bones went on with his turn.

"Two days later, the doctor recovered from his illness, but it was unfortunate that soon after the alien came down with a serious case of Putz. He was bedridden for days, grateful that the doctor gave two shits about his life."

Jim watched as a story war brewed. It was hard not to interrupt with his laughter, but the two didn't seem to notice as the game became more serious to them, focusing on their next sentences rather than Jim's snickers.

"Dr. McCoy, 'putz' is not an illness. It is a noun that describes an incompetent or worthless individual."

"Like I said, the alien came down a serious case of Putz."

"Which the alien quickly recovered from as Putz was not an illness."

"Or so, the alien thought. Little did he know that Putz was a real disease that caused the person infected to become wild, volatile and emotionally compromised."

"However, the alien was in no danger of this fictional disease as he was Vulcan and could control himself as any good Vulcan."

"But since he was only _half_, the Putz affected the alien anyway and he became violent. Only the doctor could tame him as he tended to his patient every day to try and bring back the logical alien he once knew, but it was too late. The Putz had spread too rapidly and he was dying."

"The alien, most fortunately, recovered when the doctor realized that Putz was not a real disease, but a made up diagnosis because for some illogical reason, the doctor allowed his Human emotion of jealousy to cloud his judgment, making the doctor unstable and in need of immediate medical assistance. It was good that the alien knew of certain Vulcan remedies to heal the poor doctor."

"But the doctor refused help from the green-blooded prick. He could take care of himself _because he was a doctor_." Spock quirked his brow.

"The following afternoon, the doctor regrettably died."

"No, he didn't." Bones hissed.

"It was my turn to add to the story. According to the rules, I can add anything as long as it does not go beyond five complete sentences or stray from topic."

"You can't kill the main character!" The doctor argued.

"I did not. The alien is still alive."

"No he's not." Bones growled, "He's dead too."

"Is that your addition to the story?"

"Yes. After the doctor died, the alien realized how wrong he had treated the doctor and upon the guilt of his conscience, killed himself by an overdose of over-the-counter drugs." Spock remained silent, but both eyed each other harshly. Bones' dislike more apparent than Spock's. It was a long minute before anyone spoke.

"And they died happily ever after." Jim hysterically ended. "Good gods, I love this game."

Silence. Two sets of eyes focused solely on him in what Jim could only interpret as photon torpedoes.

"So… does this mean there won't be a sequel?"

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A/N – Just some fun. I was bored and so was Jim, so we worked together to entertain ourselves. This is what came about. XD


End file.
